Quite Nearly A Year

I can't quite put my finger on why I don't manage to write very often, because the truth is that I love to do it and find a certain freedom in it. I've got four different blogs going and haven't posted anywhere since June. Once again I've overwhelmed myself (see last post)....

Well, since the last post I have gone way overboard with regards to home improvement. I've installed new laminate flooring in the living room and down the hall way, built a 10X12 shed in the backyard, installed a new door in the hallway leading to our water-heater, and begun demolition on our kitchen for the remodel later this year. The kitchen is being done in phases - most recently I have removed the soffit from above our cabinets to open the space up. It's dingy and yellow and in need of repair, but it's already making a huge difference.

It's fun to go back and re-read my older entries, to see that what plagued me then plagues me now and draw a little peace from knowing that through it all I've been held and cared for by a much more sufficient power and love. I'm still working jobs and working on my future. To that end I've registered for the GRE later this month, and I've started the application process at West Texas A & M in Canyon. I'm planning on starting Grad school in the fall.

I again find myself wondering why I worry about anything, ever. Is life so difficult for me that I have any reason to be concerned, or rushed, or rude, or selfish? Hardly, but it doesn't seem to slow it down. Come to think of it, no one really slows down on those things. It's bred in to Americans to be that way, to pursue the self above all else and to leave community by the wayside. Sometimes I'm absolutely baffled by our culture, and made sick by it's decadence and self indulgent nature (like those big words?). Not that I'm not guilty, nor do I believe we should feel such for being born in to such a wealthy country or blessed existence (and yes, I'm fully aware that not all Americans are so fortunate). I do believe a balance can be found, that Americans have a much greater capacity for love and kindness and definitely greater means if we would only quite relying on governments and churches and non-profit organizations to take care of our fellow man. Then again, I don't know that I could list anything that I myself do to contribute outside of my tithe, so it's a self indicting thing I commit to this page. Perhaps that will motivate me (then again, I have 2 followers that probably don't really follow any more).

On to other things... I'm done for tonight. I think, perhaps, if I simply wrote less each day, I might find myself writing more. How does the proverb go... "The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?"

Too Many Goals - Two Hearts

It's an interesting thing, this being married. It's by far the best decision I've made in my entire life and I'm amazed by my fortune at least once a week. I found out this week that it's a good thing I married Angie when I did, because my nephew had an interest I would have had to compete with before too much longer. See.... already interesting... he's our nephew. Two years in and I still act like he's all mine.

Moving on. Angie and I have recently discovered the onset of goals. We have all these things we hope to accomplish and recently made a list that now needs to be prioritized. Anyone out there that knows me, knows that this is the part where I start thinking and generally overwhelm myself with the logistics of just how everything is going to get done in the next two weeks. Upon finding out this isn't possible, I abandon the list and start again. If patience is a fruit of the Spirit (which it is), then consider me a fruitless tree.

We sort of hit a wall last night because our goals encompass a variety of arenas and can't all be approached at a single time. They range from personal things to career things to house renovation things and almost every single one costs some ridiculous amount of money - for a male Howerton this amount is anything over free. It's difficult to balance all these goals and keep focus on which ones are the most important and which ones are worth letting go of because they are all good things. It's also difficult because of this marriage thing - turns out both of our needs are important which can really make things a sticky mess. For me personally it's especially hard to know something I'd actually like to do and then WAIT to do it.

My life has been full of goals never reached and ideas born yet denied life. I have bounced around from job to job seeking fortune and happiness, which is ironic because in my truest moments I want only happiness and despise my own search for wealth. I get an idea about what I want to do or be and only have to get started before I'm done and moving on. It's been a frustrating cycle for me, my friends, and my family throughout my whole life. I still apologize to my dear Mother as I have only recently realized what kind of hell my taxes were every year! It's confusing enough with a single job, much less five in two different states. What a trooper.

The cycle is one reason I love my new closet. Our master bedroom is such because it has the largest closet in the house, but even then Angie and I had a hard time finding enough room for all of our clothes. It's one of those that had two clothes bars hanging on either side of the door and a shelf that went all away around the top of the closet. We managed to fit a dresser in there for a while, but that got old quick and I devised a scheme to remodel the whole thing to provide more shelving and a cleaner look. I borrowed a circular saw, bought some MDF, and started cutting. I actually finished remodeling the closet in a single day and am quite proud of the work. We now have both clothing bars on one side of the clost and four shelves that are 2'x3' on the other side. We have room for all of our stacking clothes, a hamper, a shoe tote and rack, and room to stand while I pick out my clothes for the day! I got an idea, thought it through, and got it done. I am extremely proud of the work because I finished something I thought up on my own - I did it on my own with input from Angela here and there. It represents the possibility that I might not always have an ever changing mind and that maybe, one day, my heart might find it's way to a single goal.

This is the part where I plug Jesus because he's always that constant in my storm of thought - standing in the middle amid the waves, calling me out to him from my boat. I am Peter - I believe I can do anything but have absolutely no idea what it is I'm really supposed to be doing. Jesus is standing out there where I'm afraid to go, able to see above the torrent and the cloud swells. He's the reason my marriage can stand through tough times and the reason I strive to be a better man for my wife and future family. And he is the reason I haven't gone completely insane over the past several years trying to find my place in this world. Every time I get really frustrated about that last one, I get these gentle reminders that my place really isn't in this world. I'm a part of a greater kingdom that's already on the move and we're just killing time loving one another until the real world sets in. I'm a big believer in the Kingdom is now, and remembering that helps me realize that all these goals may not be so important after all.

Home, Humid Home

We are in Arkansas (or Arkinsaw if you ask my coworker) for a week long vacation. Funny thing happens when you move as far away from your hometown as we did - vacation becomes another word for "visiting family." We don't get real vacations like going to the mountains or taking a trip to a theme park. We get to come home and visit the family. No one told us it would be this way before we left, and I'm pretty sure I could find someone to sue about it. None-the-less, we are here and we couldn't be any happier.

My niece and nephew are HUGE now and I just can't get over how fast babies change and become kids, who will change and become boys and girls, then teenagers, then adults who need lots of counseling. I am extremely pleased to report that my niece is completely smitten with me though, despite the long periods of absence and the relatively little amount of time we have been able to spend with her during her one and half year life span. She is beautiful and will tell you so ("bow.. teute" = my bow in my hair makes me look cute). We have to tape that bow down by the way - still no real hair to speak of. But pretty? Wow you have no idea. I need to learn how to use a camera already and start sharing.

It's weird being here after six month's away, but it still feels like a place we can be comfortable. It's actually more comfortable now knowing that I get to leave again in a few days because we don't feel trapped anymore. We've found a home in Amarillo and we just can't wait to get back to it - which is a feeling I haven't had in quite a few years. But while we're here we plan on taking Angela's mom out for her birthday, assisting my dad with cleaning out the garage, visiting with a few friends we haven't seen in months, loving on our niece and nephew as much as possible and trying to instill good values while we do it, maybe get to see my own aunt and uncle that did that very thing for me as a child, visit with family, travel to Searcy and see some of our best friends, see some of those friends get married, stop at a casino on the way home (gotta hit the slots baby! ;o), maybe have another adventure of some sort, go see Jamie and Leighton's new baby boy Lucas!, eat some good food, share some love, create some memories, and probably argue with the family at least once.

For all the drama we experience, I wouldn't trade a single member of my family away. I spend a lot of time surround myself with people that are like me, much like everyone else in the world, and have developed an appreciation that God gave me family that is so different. He knows we don't need to sit around comfortable all the time, so he gave us family. And despite that, I'm still thankful He did so.

An Analyst I Shall Be

So here I sit during my one hour lunch break at my "new" job. Four months in and I've already got the basic principle down: analyze data. Seriously, it's all I do. The difference between me now and me four months ago - I long for one of the processes to shut down so that I can have something to do. That's right ladies and germs... four months in and Aaron is ready for something else.

While that's not a big surprise, I want you to know that I love my job. I work with some really nice people and have learned a tremendous amount. Probably more than in the four years of college I had (okay, fine, five plus one year off). I'm gaining experience that will serve me well in future years, and can not be more appreciative of that fact.

I'm ready for something else because I'm in the process of analyzing my work needs. Everyone has certain needs when it comes to work, even if they don't think about it. Some people need nothing more than to know they have a job, when to be at work, and that money is coming in. Some people need to be in charge. Some people need to have little responsibility. Me? I'm assessing all that now, and I have realized that what I love most about work is when I get to use my knowledge to help other people with their tasks. I like being capable and having expertise in a field. My problem is that I want that expertise to be more encompassing and useful. Right now I'm able to provide assistance to lots of my colleagues when they have questions, but what I know is relatively useless to the guy in the pew behind me at church. Not only does he not care that much about what I do, he simply can't understand it. It's not that it's so incredibly complicated, just that it is very specific. No one outside of our company and it's client's uses the programs I am familiar with because they are proprietary (new fancy word I learned). So right now I'm not all that useful to the average person on the street. I've been thinking about careers that would provide me with practical knowledge and expertise to make a living while at the same time giving me ample knowledge to assist virtually everyone I come in to contact with.

I find myself at the foot of real estate again. Who doesn't want to know how to improve the value or their home or find out what their current market value is? Who doesn't want help buying or selling a home with the market like it is today? Ok, some people may not, but most people love to talk about their homes. They love to talk about the problems and the issues and the reasons they bought it or want to sell it. They love to talk about the memories and experiences they've had, how much they love it and even how much they hate it. And the industry provides LOTS of opportunities for career: agent, inspector, broker, teacher, buyer/seller, commercial, residential... it just keeps going.

We are at peace right now though, and I have been continually praying for patience (which means I just get lots of opportunity to BE patient as opposed to the quick fix of a shot in the arm or something). We are developing stability financially and getting on our feet here in Amarillo. We're also developing contacts and friends that will assist in this goal eventually. I still have every intention of going that direction, I'm just going to wait for a while and see when the time is right.

So yes, I'm ready for something else. But really... who isn't?

Texas is A Little Far Away

I talked to John, my nephew, tonight. Just for a moment, but it was long enough. He told me that he thought I lived in Texas and that it's really far away. I tried to tell him it wasn't that far, but he wouldn't budge on the fact that it was at least a little far away. Man I love that kid.

I read an article about a two faced baby today in India. She is being hailed as a reincarnated god by her people, yet the article states that the parents hope she receives help paying for the medical treatments from the government. I looked at the picture and wondered what it would be like in her mind, to have two sets of eyes processing information all the time. I wonder if perhaps one set will work, and another won't. Is it one mind, one soul encased behind two faces, or two minds trapped in a single body? My heart goes out to her and her family, as they will no doubt struggle with decisions regarding her health. Also, I'm interested in what impact her goddess stature will play on her life.

Angela is two days away, so long as the weather holds out, and I just can't wait. Her father will be joining us, and she even got to meet our nephew Riddick for the first time today. I've never met him, may not ever get to. He lives in Alabama and we don't get there often. He's a beautiful little boy though, and I believe his Papa John loves him a great deal.

That's it for today. Just wanted to be in touch, put some words out there, and contribute something small to the world.

Arrival

One more week and I'll be whole. It's pretty much the only thing on my mind right now. Just how much I want to be whole, and can't be until she's here. One more week...

New Toys (or should I say functions)

I'm going to babysit Luke and Kara's new daughter, Lillian, later this morning. I'm pretty excited about it because I truly miss having babies around (don't forget I have a niece and nephew, unless I haven't told you in which case consider yourself informed). Now, on the the real subject of my blog.

Gmail is far and away my favorite mail server thus far. I'm constantly surprised at the features it offers and the way things interconnect, such as my gmail and blogger account. Today I found a brand new toy to play with.

Angela and I aren't even settled in Amarillo yet and we have already begun basic research into home ownership. While Texas doesn't offer a relocation allowance to new citizens, they do have an assistance program for first time home buyers. Under this program we can purchase a house at a lowered rate on a 30 year mortgage or receive 5% of the mortgage up front to assist with the down payment and closing costs. The rate is slightly higher on this option, but it's the most viable right now. Either way, we have options that make home ownership a possibility within the next year. This is the fulfillment of a dream for us, so we're pretty excited.

Angela started doing some research on Realtor.com and discovered that we may very well be able to purchase a decent home. She's a very enthusiastic wife who can't wait to have a home of her own. I followed her example and ran in to a significant obstacle, or significant to me anyway. You have to realize that we don't know the town, so we don't know the best areas. We've been given advice that encourages us to keep in the Southwest part of the city, but in trying to find these properties we have to map out every single one to find out if they are in a decent area. I prefer Google Maps to any other mapping service. Unfortunately the addresses don't always copy and paste well, so I have to manually alter most of them. This process is time consuming and it hit me - why doesn't Google offer a multiple address search? I could easily paste several addresses in at once and see where they are all at once. So I start searching for the link to send my brilliant thought along to the guys at Gmail and discover something I didn't know was there.

Using Gmaps is more amazing than I thought. Not only can I map the addresses I need to find, I can actually search for listings based on my spending limitations and the number of bedrooms/bathrooms I want. They pull up results, pulled from the MLS database I would assume, and map out 20 locations at a time. You can refine your search through altering the price range and your bed/bath choices. Now, we can look for houses based on where they are and whether they are in our range first. Check it out here. We can search for a house based on location, then do the research we need to discover if the house is for us or not.

Just a little tip from a bargain shopper addicted to good deals. I count this as a good deal, especially since it costs me absolutely nothing.