The Ever Changing Mind of Aaron Howerton

Psalm 27:13-14

2011-10-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

" I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord."
Pslam 27:13-14

This verse has carried meaning for me for a number of reasons over the years. Different parts at different times for different reasons. Typically it is a source of strength. These days it is more of a challenge than anything else.

September marked one year since our miscarriage, and brought a near placement in the adoption process. I started an interview process that looked very promising and have now ended that process as they filled the positions with other candidates. We are exactly where we started, with no less blessing than before yet no closer to our goal of starting a family. I have taken but one more class in my journey of higher-higher education and without a new opportunity for employment I am slotted to remain at this pace for the time being.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord."

Developing patience is a matter of waiting for the Lord. Patience is a skill to develop, something some are naturally born with and others must be diligent to grasp. I am not naturally possessed of this skill, and I don't remember asking for it anytime recently. Yet here I am, with my wife and family, waiting for the most important thing I have ever dared ask of the Lord. I have asked that he bring me a son or daughter, a child to raise under His banner and my own. And I wait... not knowing the time or the day of the Lord's appearance. Without any control or power to change the situation.

I understand patience more every day though. I am learning what it means to be content in the moment, less concerned with tomorrow as today has struggle enough on it's own. I think I'm also grasping the anticipation that should come with being a people that believe in and hope for a better world, that He may appear in any moment and we should always find ourselves prepared to greet that moment as sons and daughters.

As I said, we are no less in blessing and we are blessed indeed. We have much to be thankful for, much that we can credit back to the Lord in our journey. And, at the end of this process, things will most likely make more sense. All I can ask is that the Lord move quickly, that He develop in me that which He is seeking so that we might find the end of this part of our journey.

Let's Try Again...

2011-10-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

I thought about my 'blog' today and decided it was time to write a new post. If other people are like me, then part of this process is therapeutic. I write to help find my center, to help make sense of my life and experiences. It's been a while since I've actively written for a purpose or with anything in mind, so forgive me if any of this seems like a big pot of randomness. First, I see that blogger has changed the way we as users interact with it. Now I can see more than my followers... I can see how many times my page has even been viewed and I think that's kind of cool. It actually makes me want to write more because, at the very least, I'm seeing that people are at least coming across my page. Interesting. Moving on.... I realize that, once again, my blog is aptly titled. Sometimes I think that's frustrating, because it speaks truth and exposes me. My mind is ever-shifting based on my daily experiences. I am what most people would categorize a 'thinker.' I spend most of my day taking in and processing information, balancing it against what I know and what I want, and going forward. I love doing this in groups, with intentionality. I like bouncing ideas off people, even if it's just a matter of considering the possibilities and challenging our existing set of convictions and beliefs. It's a part of what pushes me forward in school and focuses my interest. I like to ask questions, pursue knowledge, and find answers that work as well as possible for all parties (which usually involves compromise). It's a huge struggle for me to find a voice at work, because generally I am not in a position to be able to make the changes that are the result of this process of internal reflection. It's also not something that a great many of my colleagues understand or respond well to. It's not because they aren't interested (at least not always). I think it's a matter of acceptance, a matter of being comfortable at work and not expecting anything more. It's also frustrating because, at the end of my process, I'm looking for something new, for some action to take place. It's very difficult to put so much energy in to an idea, in to a process, and to have little or no response come back. It's very difficult to have a voice, yet have no avenue to express it. Right now, this is the story of my life. The LORD, for all his goodness and grace, frustrates me sometimes. He's got the idea, the image, the future, the present, the past, all in His hand. He hears my voice, knows my heart, and loves to hear my input - I believe that. But goodness if I'm tired of waiting already. The adoption, career, school... amid all the blessings of my life there are some very big changes hanging suspended out there waiting on other people to make a move toward us. This is really tough because, if you know me at all, you know that I am not terribly interested in giving other people control of my life. Even less so when those people are unknown to me, outside my realm of regular contact, and may not even be aware of me waiting! Anyone feel me yet? But in all these things, Christ works for the good of those who love Him. I am glad to fall in to that group and typically draw strength from this knowledge. I've been weak for the past few weeks now.... doing my best to keep my head above water and tread on toward whatever end is waiting. I am eager... so eager.... to meet my son or daughter. I am eager to take a new professional challenge and refocus my educational pursuits with more intensity. I am eager for whatever changes are in store to become a reality... so I have a hard time waiting right now. So I write tonight, to clear my mind a little bit, to center my vision and express my heart. I'm hoping to leave with a little bit more peace as I go sit in the office and read through articles for my research project, having left these wanderings behind on this page. Can you imagine trying to read about the sensemaking and organizational culture with all THIS in your head? Yeah.... me either.

Adoption: The Journey of a Family in Growth

2011-02-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already heard, Angela and I are adopting. Who am I kidding... if you haven't already heard then you probably don't know us well enough to care. But, if you happen to be reading this, then you are one of the few. For that I thank you.

Adoption is a process, and it's not an easy or quick one if you're taking the route we are using. We're using a non-profit private placement organization here in Amarillo that specializes in local adoptions (www.specialdeliveryadoptions.org/). We have a comprehensive application packet to complete and the agency works to serve the women that are gifting other families with their child. We're very excited about this agency because our good friends Jayme and Bradley Bledsoe have already been through it and our niece Evie is AAAAAmazing. We're pushing through the application right now and hopefully we'll have everything in over the next couple of weeks. From there we have to get our home study and inspections and a few other incidentals taken care of. On April 30 we have our formal training with Special Delivery. Once we're approved and get the incidentals completed we are matchable. Once that happens, our journey changes dramatically.

I wonder, sometimes, how I feel about everything. Obviously, I'm excited about our baby - knowing he or she is out there growing and that the birthmother is taking pains to give birth to our child despite the circumstance that brought about the birth. I'm excited that the end of the process is my family. I'm excited that I get to see my wife express the mother inside her through all the decisions that go in to decorating a baby's room (which you all know I have no talent for). I'm excited that our purpose as a husband and wife is expanding beyond our own little bubble of self interest. I just can't wait to meet my child.

But the process... it's taxing. It's complicated and sometimes it feels like the world is putting nothing but obstacles in our way to be parents. I look around at other people adopting through the 'system' and get frustrated at how little effort CPS puts out there to make sure the kids under their charge go in to good homes. One visit and BOOM let's make a family. Every day is a challenge to dive in to whatever work we need to have done so that we can bring our baby home. I guess sometimes it defeats me... sometimes I give in to the overwhelming demands of what is asked of us and the fear that we're going to end up behind on fund-raising. I search through the organizations that offer funding and some of their processes are almost as involved as our application, with little or no reward guaranteed. The grants want to spam everyone we love asking for 'matching grants' and from what I can tell, any extra they raise from them that exceeds the matching amount goes to the organization and not to us. We've already sent out mail - I hardly want my family getting MORE mail from multiple organizations asking for money when we may not even be guaranteed the funds. I found one place, the National Adoption Foundation, that has a one page application for a grant of up to $2,500. I'm not asking for money here (well... I guess I am - ha!), but these overly complex applications only serve to make it more difficult to get everything done. So sometimes... sometimes the process wins. Sometimes though, I win.

Sometimes I see our child in my arms, can hear the cries in the middle of the night that need me, can see Angela doing everything she was made for. I look in the baby's room at the crib and see a sleeping baby in the middle of the day. I love the idea that our new impending nieces and our nephew Joshua are all going to be close in age (hopefully!). I love how Ma and Pa are gearing up for a new baby. I love how John and Christy save their change for us, how Lincoln does to. I love how old friends and family shower us with generosity to help us reach our goal. I know we're going to get there. I know our baby needs us to get there. I know that the LORD is in our corner and that He is making this happen in a way we can hardly imagine or understand.

I know that I am supposed to be a Daddy. I know that Angela is supposed to be a Mommy. I know that this is exactly where we are supposed to be.

Fall Semester

2010-09-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

As an official update let me just say that yes, I did make it in the Graduate school at WTAMU and I am officially a BUFF. I've got the Gold card and everything to prove it. School is great so far. I only wish it didn't freak me out so much.

So really, it doesn't freak me out at all. Four years separation from the hardest class I've ever had to my graduate studies is a bit of a gap however, and it's been interesting to re-acclimate to the school environment. I have two night classes every week and I drive straight from work to Canyon, TX where I grab something from McDonald's and head to class. Class is essentially 6-9 and it's some of the quickest time I experience all week. I remember when a 50 minute class felt like forever unless you were sleeping through it. Interesting twist as I have discovered my own interests and the freedom to pursue those interests within my major. All due respect to my undergraduate degree and the field of political science, but I really have no idea what I was thinking there.

I have Intro to Graduate studies with Dr.Kristina Drumheller. We're basically learning out our degrees and the expectations of our research, which we do a lot of. I'm writing and reading on a daily basis just to keep up. That's Monday. Thursday is Intercultural studies with Dr. Anthony Spencer. Dr.Spencer is like a walking ball of energy, always in thought and moving on to the next one. This class has been fascinating because I'm being challenged on what it really means to be open-minded. At this moment I am particularly frustrated with non-Muslim attitudes toward Muslims. saying they are all terrorists is like saying all Christians are devout - it's just not true.

I've also noticed that college girls and boys haven't changed much since I left. The undergraduates are my focus here. I still the boys walk on to campus looking like the drove their bed to class that morning. Hairbrush, laundry-mat, and hygiene don't seem to be on their radar (unless you count that bottle of axe body spray, aka cover up). The girls are all working way too hard trying to be attractive by not wearing any real clothing. T-shirts, short shorts, and hair and makeup that probably took them an hour or more. I just keep wondering if they understand the purpose of education and who is paying for it.

So here I am back in school. I love it so far. It's nice to be on this path, walking forward and actually sensing the movement.

Love to you and yours.

Grad School...... Take 2

2010-02-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

Well I've started the process for grad school once again, only this time I've actually started it and I'm out money for the effort. Last time I was in deep communication and turned down a possible GA position in the registration department. I take the GRE on February 28th.

So as I begin this process I reconnected to the Professor that assisted me so well last year, and I feel that I may have some work to do to re-establish myself with the department. It's not a huge secret to anyone that really knows me (and many that don't) that I've occasionally wondered if I made a poor decision by not even taking the opportunity to interview for the position with the college. Of course, I also spend way too much time analyzing things I can't change and decisions that are long gone so it's probably not best to dwell too much now. At any rate, I'm going forward with school in whatever capacity my job will allow. The path I need to be in has been more than clarified to me, on multiple occasions, so regardless of how difficult the path may be it's the one I've got to take.

One of the entry guidelines for this college (WTA&M) is that I write an essay over the qualities and experiences of my life that make me a good candidate for grad school. The problem with these essays center around the topic - being myself. I've never been great at writing about myself, because the real trick to focus on your self without ever using the label 'I' or 'me.' You have to write about your self without ever really bringing YOU in to the picture. It's kind of like the cover letter - sell your self but don't mention your self. Word your sentences so that they are obviously about you but don't start with any reference to you. Eargh... and on top of that I haven't spent a whole lot of time with extra curricular activities or at least don't see any that really stand out to me as worth being mentioned during an essay.

So a one to two page double spaced essay that will convince the professors of this program that I'm a good candidate for it. I'm sure I'll figure it out because writing is something I enjoy, and eventually I'll produce something valuable to give them. In the meantime, I'll just make sure to do what I say I'm going to do and let my actions be my words.

Quite Nearly A Year

2010-02-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

I can't quite put my finger on why I don't manage to write very often, because the truth is that I love to do it and find a certain freedom in it. I've got four different blogs going and haven't posted anywhere since June. Once again I've overwhelmed myself (see last post)....

Well, since the last post I have gone way overboard with regards to home improvement. I've installed new laminate flooring in the living room and down the hall way, built a 10X12 shed in the backyard, installed a new door in the hallway leading to our water-heater, and begun demolition on our kitchen for the remodel later this year. The kitchen is being done in phases - most recently I have removed the soffit from above our cabinets to open the space up. It's dingy and yellow and in need of repair, but it's already making a huge difference.

It's fun to go back and re-read my older entries, to see that what plagued me then plagues me now and draw a little peace from knowing that through it all I've been held and cared for by a much more sufficient power and love. I'm still working jobs and working on my future. To that end I've registered for the GRE later this month, and I've started the application process at West Texas A & M in Canyon. I'm planning on starting Grad school in the fall.

I again find myself wondering why I worry about anything, ever. Is life so difficult for me that I have any reason to be concerned, or rushed, or rude, or selfish? Hardly, but it doesn't seem to slow it down. Come to think of it, no one really slows down on those things. It's bred in to Americans to be that way, to pursue the self above all else and to leave community by the wayside. Sometimes I'm absolutely baffled by our culture, and made sick by it's decadence and self indulgent nature (like those big words?). Not that I'm not guilty, nor do I believe we should feel such for being born in to such a wealthy country or blessed existence (and yes, I'm fully aware that not all Americans are so fortunate). I do believe a balance can be found, that Americans have a much greater capacity for love and kindness and definitely greater means if we would only quite relying on governments and churches and non-profit organizations to take care of our fellow man. Then again, I don't know that I could list anything that I myself do to contribute outside of my tithe, so it's a self indicting thing I commit to this page. Perhaps that will motivate me (then again, I have 2 followers that probably don't really follow any more).

On to other things... I'm done for tonight. I think, perhaps, if I simply wrote less each day, I might find myself writing more. How does the proverb go... "The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?"

Too Many Goals - Two Hearts

2009-02-18T03:55:00.000-08:00

It's an interesting thing, this being married. It's by far the best decision I've made in my entire life and I'm amazed by my fortune at least once a week. I found out this week that it's a good thing I married Angie when I did, because my nephew had an interest I would have had to compete with before too much longer. See.... already interesting... he's our nephew. Two years in and I still act like he's all mine.

Moving on. Angie and I have recently discovered the onset of goals. We have all these things we hope to accomplish and recently made a list that now needs to be prioritized. Anyone out there that knows me, knows that this is the part where I start thinking and generally overwhelm myself with the logistics of just how everything is going to get done in the next two weeks. Upon finding out this isn't possible, I abandon the list and start again. If patience is a fruit of the Spirit (which it is), then consider me a fruitless tree.

We sort of hit a wall last night because our goals encompass a variety of arenas and can't all be approached at a single time. They range from personal things to career things to house renovation things and almost every single one costs some ridiculous amount of money - for a male Howerton this amount is anything over free. It's difficult to balance all these goals and keep focus on which ones are the most important and which ones are worth letting go of because they are all good things. It's also difficult because of this marriage thing - turns out both of our needs are important which can really make things a sticky mess. For me personally it's especially hard to know something I'd actually like to do and then WAIT to do it.

My life has been full of goals never reached and ideas born yet denied life. I have bounced around from job to job seeking fortune and happiness, which is ironic because in my truest moments I want only happiness and despise my own search for wealth. I get an idea about what I want to do or be and only have to get started before I'm done and moving on. It's been a frustrating cycle for me, my friends, and my family throughout my whole life. I still apologize to my dear Mother as I have only recently realized what kind of hell my taxes were every year! It's confusing enough with a single job, much less five in two different states. What a trooper.

The cycle is one reason I love my new closet. Our master bedroom is such because it has the largest closet in the house, but even then Angie and I had a hard time finding enough room for all of our clothes. It's one of those that had two clothes bars hanging on either side of the door and a shelf that went all away around the top of the closet. We managed to fit a dresser in there for a while, but that got old quick and I devised a scheme to remodel the whole thing to provide more shelving and a cleaner look. I borrowed a circular saw, bought some MDF, and started cutting. I actually finished remodeling the closet in a single day and am quite proud of the work. We now have both clothing bars on one side of the clost and four shelves that are 2'x3' on the other side. We have room for all of our stacking clothes, a hamper, a shoe tote and rack, and room to stand while I pick out my clothes for the day! I got an idea, thought it through, and got it done. I am extremely proud of the work because I finished something I thought up on my own - I did it on my own with input from Angela here and there. It represents the possibility that I might not always have an ever changing mind and that maybe, one day, my heart might find it's way to a single goal.

This is the part where I plug Jesus because he's always that constant in my storm of thought - standing in the middle amid the waves, calling me out to him from my boat. I am Peter - I believe I can do anything but have absolutely no idea what it is I'm really supposed to be doing. Jesus is standing out there where I'm afraid to go, able to see above the torrent and the cloud swells. He's the reason my marriage can stand through tough times and the reason I strive to be a better man for my wife and future family. And he is the reason I haven't gone completely insane over the past several years trying to find my place in this world. Every time I get really frustrated about that last one, I get these gentle reminders that my place really isn't in this world. I'm a part of a greater kingdom that's already on the move and we're just killing time loving one another until the real world sets in. I'm a big believer in the Kingdom is now, and remembering that helps me realize that all these goals may not be so important after all.

Home, Humid Home

2008-07-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

We are in Arkansas (or Arkinsaw if you ask my coworker) for a week long vacation. Funny thing happens when you move as far away from your hometown as we did - vacation becomes another word for "visiting family." We don't get real vacations like going to the mountains or taking a trip to a theme park. We get to come home and visit the family. No one told us it would be this way before we left, and I'm pretty sure I could find someone to sue about it. None-the-less, we are here and we couldn't be any happier.

My niece and nephew are HUGE now and I just can't get over how fast babies change and become kids, who will change and become boys and girls, then teenagers, then adults who need lots of counseling. I am extremely pleased to report that my niece is completely smitten with me though, despite the long periods of absence and the relatively little amount of time we have been able to spend with her during her one and half year life span. She is beautiful and will tell you so ("bow.. teute" = my bow in my hair makes me look cute). We have to tape that bow down by the way - still no real hair to speak of. But pretty? Wow you have no idea. I need to learn how to use a camera already and start sharing.

It's weird being here after six month's away, but it still feels like a place we can be comfortable. It's actually more comfortable now knowing that I get to leave again in a few days because we don't feel trapped anymore. We've found a home in Amarillo and we just can't wait to get back to it - which is a feeling I haven't had in quite a few years. But while we're here we plan on taking Angela's mom out for her birthday, assisting my dad with cleaning out the garage, visiting with a few friends we haven't seen in months, loving on our niece and nephew as much as possible and trying to instill good values while we do it, maybe get to see my own aunt and uncle that did that very thing for me as a child, visit with family, travel to Searcy and see some of our best friends, see some of those friends get married, stop at a casino on the way home (gotta hit the slots baby! ;o), maybe have another adventure of some sort, go see Jamie and Leighton's new baby boy Lucas!, eat some good food, share some love, create some memories, and probably argue with the family at least once.

For all the drama we experience, I wouldn't trade a single member of my family away. I spend a lot of time surround myself with people that are like me, much like everyone else in the world, and have developed an appreciation that God gave me family that is so different. He knows we don't need to sit around comfortable all the time, so he gave us family. And despite that, I'm still thankful He did so.

An Analyst I Shall Be

2008-07-02T10:44:00.000-07:00

So here I sit during my one hour lunch break at my "new" job. Four months in and I've already got the basic principle down: analyze data. Seriously, it's all I do. The difference between me now and me four months ago - I long for one of the processes to shut down so that I can have something to do. That's right ladies and germs... four months in and Aaron is ready for something else.

While that's not a big surprise, I want you to know that I love my job. I work with some really nice people and have learned a tremendous amount. Probably more than in the four years of college I had (okay, fine, five plus one year off). I'm gaining experience that will serve me well in future years, and can not be more appreciative of that fact.

I'm ready for something else because I'm in the process of analyzing my work needs. Everyone has certain needs when it comes to work, even if they don't think about it. Some people need nothing more than to know they have a job, when to be at work, and that money is coming in. Some people need to be in charge. Some people need to have little responsibility. Me? I'm assessing all that now, and I have realized that what I love most about work is when I get to use my knowledge to help other people with their tasks. I like being capable and having expertise in a field. My problem is that I want that expertise to be more encompassing and useful. Right now I'm able to provide assistance to lots of my colleagues when they have questions, but what I know is relatively useless to the guy in the pew behind me at church. Not only does he not care that much about what I do, he simply can't understand it. It's not that it's so incredibly complicated, just that it is very specific. No one outside of our company and it's client's uses the programs I am familiar with because they are proprietary (new fancy word I learned). So right now I'm not all that useful to the average person on the street. I've been thinking about careers that would provide me with practical knowledge and expertise to make a living while at the same time giving me ample knowledge to assist virtually everyone I come in to contact with.

I find myself at the foot of real estate again. Who doesn't want to know how to improve the value or their home or find out what their current market value is? Who doesn't want help buying or selling a home with the market like it is today? Ok, some people may not, but most people love to talk about their homes. They love to talk about the problems and the issues and the reasons they bought it or want to sell it. They love to talk about the memories and experiences they've had, how much they love it and even how much they hate it. And the industry provides LOTS of opportunities for career: agent, inspector, broker, teacher, buyer/seller, commercial, residential... it just keeps going.

We are at peace right now though, and I have been continually praying for patience (which means I just get lots of opportunity to BE patient as opposed to the quick fix of a shot in the arm or something). We are developing stability financially and getting on our feet here in Amarillo. We're also developing contacts and friends that will assist in this goal eventually. I still have every intention of going that direction, I'm just going to wait for a while and see when the time is right.

So yes, I'm ready for something else. But really... who isn't?

Texas is A Little Far Away

2008-03-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

I talked to John, my nephew, tonight. Just for a moment, but it was long enough. He told me that he thought I lived in Texas and that it's really far away. I tried to tell him it wasn't that far, but he wouldn't budge on the fact that it was at least a little far away. Man I love that kid.

I read an article about a two faced baby today in India. She is being hailed as a reincarnated god by her people, yet the article states that the parents hope she receives help paying for the medical treatments from the government. I looked at the picture and wondered what it would be like in her mind, to have two sets of eyes processing information all the time. I wonder if perhaps one set will work, and another won't. Is it one mind, one soul encased behind two faces, or two minds trapped in a single body? My heart goes out to her and her family, as they will no doubt struggle with decisions regarding her health. Also, I'm interested in what impact her goddess stature will play on her life.

Angela is two days away, so long as the weather holds out, and I just can't wait. Her father will be joining us, and she even got to meet our nephew Riddick for the first time today. I've never met him, may not ever get to. He lives in Alabama and we don't get there often. He's a beautiful little boy though, and I believe his Papa John loves him a great deal.

That's it for today. Just wanted to be in touch, put some words out there, and contribute something small to the world.

Arrival

2008-03-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

One more week and I'll be whole. It's pretty much the only thing on my mind right now. Just how much I want to be whole, and can't be until she's here. One more week...

New Toys (or should I say functions)

2008-03-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

I'm going to babysit Luke and Kara's new daughter, Lillian, later this morning. I'm pretty excited about it because I truly miss having babies around (don't forget I have a niece and nephew, unless I haven't told you in which case consider yourself informed). Now, on the the real subject of my blog.

Gmail is far and away my favorite mail server thus far. I'm constantly surprised at the features it offers and the way things interconnect, such as my gmail and blogger account. Today I found a brand new toy to play with.

Angela and I aren't even settled in Amarillo yet and we have already begun basic research into home ownership. While Texas doesn't offer a relocation allowance to new citizens, they do have an assistance program for first time home buyers. Under this program we can purchase a house at a lowered rate on a 30 year mortgage or receive 5% of the mortgage up front to assist with the down payment and closing costs. The rate is slightly higher on this option, but it's the most viable right now. Either way, we have options that make home ownership a possibility within the next year. This is the fulfillment of a dream for us, so we're pretty excited.

Angela started doing some research on Realtor.com and discovered that we may very well be able to purchase a decent home. She's a very enthusiastic wife who can't wait to have a home of her own. I followed her example and ran in to a significant obstacle, or significant to me anyway. You have to realize that we don't know the town, so we don't know the best areas. We've been given advice that encourages us to keep in the Southwest part of the city, but in trying to find these properties we have to map out every single one to find out if they are in a decent area. I prefer Google Maps to any other mapping service. Unfortunately the addresses don't always copy and paste well, so I have to manually alter most of them. This process is time consuming and it hit me - why doesn't Google offer a multiple address search? I could easily paste several addresses in at once and see where they are all at once. So I start searching for the link to send my brilliant thought along to the guys at Gmail and discover something I didn't know was there.

Using Gmaps is more amazing than I thought. Not only can I map the addresses I need to find, I can actually search for listings based on my spending limitations and the number of bedrooms/bathrooms I want. They pull up results, pulled from the MLS database I would assume, and map out 20 locations at a time. You can refine your search through altering the price range and your bed/bath choices. Now, we can look for houses based on where they are and whether they are in our range first. Check it out here. We can search for a house based on location, then do the research we need to discover if the house is for us or not.

Just a little tip from a bargain shopper addicted to good deals. I count this as a good deal, especially since it costs me absolutely nothing.

First Weekend

2008-02-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow night I'll start my first two day weekend in several months. On this weekend, I'll even start holding the keys to my first apartment in Amarillo. Chasewood. Great location and we even got a $199 move in special. Total first month expense: $434.

Texas DOES have a first time buyer program. We have a couple of different options, though I don't completely understand them. I will eventually. Right now I'm swamped with learning about carrier/TPA's, TOAD, STARS, Peoplelink and a host of other programs and acronyms necessary to perform the functions of my job. Oh, did I mention that I have had nearly 20 passwords so far? (Hopefully I didn't just breach security by sharing that.)

Election Research:
- Obama wants a national healthcare plan that isn't mandatory (except for children)
- Clinton wants a mandatory healthcare program
- McCain wants to increase troop presence in Iraq
- McCain's big educational push is to give parents a choice about where kids get to go
- Clinton puts emails from campaign supporters on her website, most of which use ALL CAPS TO SHOW THEIR SUPPORT and talk about how they are sacrificing to help Hillary get the nomination.
- Huckabee is the only candidate not currently serving as a Senator. Anyone else wondering how they manage a campaign while simultaneously fulfilling their obligations as Senators for their respective states?

Check out the candidates at their respective websites. I'm still looking for a non-bias source of information. For some reason I just don't trust a candidate's site. They also don't provide the kind of clear answers I'm seeking, or the comparison of the actual plans. If anyone knows any sites (and happens to hit my site, too) please let me know.

Tick tick tick....

2008-02-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

In nine days I leave for Amarillo. Depending on our moving plans, I may not be back again for some time. We've hired a replacement for me at Blue Coast and today I witnessed as she took my place just a little bit. It was a relief and slightly depressing at the same time. Everyone likes to feel important to someone.

I've not had time to visit my parents much, or my grandparents at all. Work keeps me busy and the hours make it tough to schedule any free time in with people during a normal food break. We always do everything over food. It's like I'm incapable of visiting over anything else. I think the food helps us keep things light so that no one has to talk about our leaving.

My family takes a different attitude toward things we don't like. Instead of embracing or facing our feelings, we put them on the back-burner and ignore the elephant in the room. It's not ideal in any way, but it's what we do. For instance, my Dad refused to look at my job description when I initially told them of our move. It was mostly, "Well, that didn't take long" or "No surprise about it being Amarillo." Never mind my new job that offers benefits, substantially higher pay, a normal routine, and gobs of potential for career growth. I simply found a job, a better job, and took it. I figured they might respect that, and I'm sure they do to a point, but they can't get over that I'm leaving. I do love my parents. There is no end to that. They take my desire for a different life personally though. Because I don't like Jonesboro, I don't like them. It's faulty logic to be sure, but it's what they use and what I deal with.

I leave this time knowing that I can't just come home. I'm committing to something larger than me - my family. I'm committing to Angela that I want to take care of her, committing to my children that I care more for them than anyone in the world, committing to my employer that I'm worth the risk they inevitably take when they hire a new face they don't know. I'm committing to myself, because I am tired of changing jobs and shifting my focus. I'm tired of not having a stable home for my wife, of moving every few months, of never unpacking the boxes we've collected over the past year. This move encompasses so much more than just wanting to be something. It's about proving that we can do it. I want my children to challenge the world. I want them to go anywhere and do anything they want to do. I want them to face fear and take risks to make their life stand out. I don't want them to have to break the generational bonds that keep our family rooted in a single place with a single mindset, so I have to do it first. I'm not trying to portray Angela or myself in any special light. We simply realize the consequences of wanting our children to know something and be something without setting an example they can follow. We realize that if we leave, they won't have to fight as hard to do the same (at least we hope). We always want to remember these days, this time, and the energy it has taken us to reach for our dreams so that when our children seek to leave us for the sake of their self, we might understand.

It is not so bad for us to leave. We have support where we are going and my unemployment gap will be all of five days, two of which aren't even business days. The internet and modern technology makes it remarkably easy for people to stay in communication. The difficult part is coming from a family that doesn't understand communication in the first place. It's the physical touch that we will miss. Seeing my nephew and niece, holding them in hugs or sleepy moments. Kissing my mother on the cheek as I leave her house. Hugging my father in a way that tells me he loves me unceasingly, although his words may never utter the true depth of the hug. And those moments will be sweeter when we return, wrapped in the purity of joy created by the space between us. We will see the good in our family much more clearly from a far, and the bad will just shrink away. That is why absence makes the heart grow fonder... you think more of the things you miss than the things you wanted to escape.

So I leave in nine days. The clock ticks away and I try to make peace with my life in Jonesboro. I don't have time to visit everyone, and will undoubtedly miss some goodbyes. The beautiful thing about my faith in Christ is that most of the people I leave behind I will one day see again should I never see them here. And, truthfully, a great deal of them will visit me in Amarillo, too.
I leave a home that has been good to me, to create a home that will be good to my children and my wife. I have always said that it is good to miss people. After all, if you don't miss them, how can you love them?

An Era Gone

2008-02-12T16:43:00.000-08:00

In light of my recent discovery that Texas has no such thing as a Relocation Fund to assist new citizens I have decided to end an era of my life.

Richard Jorgensen is the professor of trumpet at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, AR. He teaches private lessons to high school students in tenth grade or higher that exhibit enough talent (like being one of the top three players in their school). Seven years have passed since I really talked to him last. I broke that string this morning with a single phone call. I've decided to sell my Bach Stradivarius to fund my upcoming move to Amarillo. With phone call I have made a substantial decision regarding the rest of my life.

Amarillo holds my future and the trumpet represents a great deal about my past. I certainly love my music and enjoyed every part of my career as a trumpeter. I had a chance to be a part of something bigger than myself. I was well known and enjoyed what a lot of people would consider success, especially for a teenager. I've held on to my trumpet for seven years now, holding on to the illusion that I would one day lift it again.

I left my trumpet in the hands of my old teacher. I left it with him so that it could find it's way into hands that would use it again. Maybe one day I'll try to play again, but I can always find a trumpet somewhere. I guess I feel like if I ever play again, I want to earn the right to have such a nice instrument. So hopefully he will sell it, and I can let another piece of my past go in search of my future. I have decided to end an era.

In the meantime, I still play guitar and write music and am anything but cut off from the creation of music and expression. Maybe one day one of my songs will find it's way onto your radio (yes, you Kara Deal). Maybe one day, in the new era we're about to embark on, I'll even play a few notes again.

The Texas Relocation Fund

2008-02-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some thinking about our impending move, and I have a thought to share. Angela and I are extremely excited about our move. We really don't mind doing it even though we've been in our apartment less than a month. The move is a good decision as a whole. My job is better. We have a church family that we can't wait to be a part of. We actually love Amarillo. We even have really good friends there that help make it feel like home. It's going to be an amazing adventure to take part in. (Guess what... I discovered the link tool...)

What I really wanted to share exists entirely in the title of this post. Keep in mind that, to my knowledge, such a fund does not currently exist. To be honest, I have not even tried searching for such a thing. It's quite possible that it does considering how deep and true Texas pride is. The reverse side of the argument is that I should have been born here in the first place and therefore should actually have to pay Texas to move there. That would definitely be "no bueno."

Amarillo is also the major city in the pan handle. I've heard rumors that most Texans don't even consider it a true part of the state because of it's geographic location. While this makes me a little sad, I don't complain. According to other rumors I wont' be a Texan until I have lived in Texas longer than anywhere else in my life. That means that at the ripe age of 53 I'll finally be able to apply for Texas citizenship. Does anyone know if I'll have to pass a test about state history?

I'm going to do some research, see if Texas pays new citizens for coming along and joining the party. If you have any information regarding this, or any other free money, please leave it in my comment area. Thanks.

Obama

2008-02-09T14:32:00.000-08:00

I know that only one person currently reads my inner-thoughts (thank you Kara Deal, see you soon), but I still feel a need to express my commitment to support Barack O'bama in his bid for the Presidency. And, as Kara is my sole subscriber, I must apologize because I feel confident that our political interests are somewhat distant. Don't worry, I know you still love me even though I'm a dirty liberal.

I simply like Obama. I like his plea for unity. I like that he attracts other people my age and that their enthusiasm for change gets them to the polls. I am a political scientist, and believe that the political process is only as valuable as the rate of participation indicates. In America, all indicators point to it being rather worthless. I want this to be a country with a 90% voter turnout rate (although I'm also terrified at the prospect of having 90% of the population vote considering that the vast majority of people lack the formal education needed to make an informed decision). Political apathy has gone a long way to making this country the way it is, however great it may still be. Barack appeals to people, gives them something to believe in that's unlike everything else. For some reason, I envision him representing youth and vitality. His lack of experience (politically) shines as a beacon of hope that he has not been tainted by the American political scene. And, I don't necessarily believe that political experience outweighs life experience. The only fault he bears is relative to his actual time in office.

I like that Obama is a Democrat, mainly because it doesn't completely define him. He seeks bi-partisan lines, works to bring people together instead of republicans and democrats. And while his heritage may be Muslim, his faith is that of my own- Christian. I love my faith and my
Savior, but don't believe that a government should be ruled by any single religion. History demonstrates the folly of that decision (even in Scripture and God's Chosen people... the kings of Jerusalem were God's response to what the people wanted... a kingdom divided, terrible kings that lead the people astray, good kings that fostered their return... and still the Jewish nation no longer exists as a single political entity).

Finally, I just feel good supporting Obama. As much as I hate this rationale and think it is by far the least qualifying factor in making decisions, especially when the issue is so important, I can not ignore the fact that people make every single decision based primarily on the way they feel about it. We do this whether we admit it or not. Most times we don't admit it. We don't want to. So, I'm admitting it right now. I like the way I feel about Obama, because it feels good.

So I'm for Obama. I'm for making history, but not because a black man is in office (is electing a man of mixed decent still count? I've been wondering, because it reminds of the 1/3 law from way back when, only it's like the 1/2 law. Would be as electable is he were from an entirely black decent? Just pondering here...). I'm for making history by putting a man of principle, reminiscent of the great leaders of the past, back in the Oval Office. While we're at it... why not change that, too. An oval office? I'd hate to buy furniture for that kind of space.

Amarillo...

2008-01-29T20:14:00.000-08:00

Remember how I just said I am nearing that breaking point with my current job? Probably not because if you are reading this, you are the first besides myself. Anywho, the big point is that I was right. It is time to move on. Now, I realized this soon after my previous post, but made the responsible decision to spend 6 or 7 months searching out a better job wherever it may be. The most obvious prospect was revisiting ground I had already tread in the hopes of discovering a glimpse of confidence. What I didn't anticipate was being offered a job within two and a half weeks of sending in my resume (especially considering that it took them THREE MONTHS to contact me last time, which was a part of why I sent it in when I did). I really did want to wait, save up money for a move, and go wherever work lead me. It just so happens that, unlike the last major effort I made at gaining true employment, I managed to be at the right time and place to snag a great job that actually appeals to my interest AND pays me well. It basically fits the profile I laid out earlier, with the single exception that it's an office job. The reason I like it? It fulfills nearly every single other facet I mentioned... challenging, rewarding, growth potential, educational (free training in other areas!), pays well... I would go on but I need to end this and head home to see my wife.

Now I just have to tell: my boss, my parents, my wife's family, my employees, my sister, my 4 year old nephew who already doesn't see me enough... did I mention my parents?

Anyway, wife needs me home.

Jonesboro......

2008-01-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

We are home. Nearly four months solid that I have stayed in one place, and almost three full months at a job without breaking rank. I could well be on my way to a record... although historically this is the point at which I depart my current career path in search of something more fulfilling that allows me to truly live up to my potential for greatness. I think this blog will read better for you if you imagine my delivery to be somewhat similar to that of House (if this reference is beyond you, then you may want to consider stopping at this point until you figure out what I mean).

There is a certain irony to being home. My workplace for one. I am managing a restaurant of all things, and a fast food style joint at that. It is not a bad place, and my boss has not been unkind. I fail to mention it's name because I would hate for my blog to show up on a google search when all I want is a place to write freely without fear of persecution. I suppose, however, that my own self-censorship is a display of my fear and a brand of persecution at that... more irony for you.

I will be 26 within a month (give or take) and I'm still unsure what I need to spend my time doing. I know that I believe certain things, but fail to find a connection between that belief and money. Why must there be a connection? Bills, family, travel, leisure, Uncle Sam, and a slew of other perfectly acceptable reasons push me toward needing a job that pays money. I, on the other hand, would really love to find something that actually motivates me. Of course every job has it's down side. Every job has bad days. Every job has annoying people. But surely, out in this great big world that we live in, there might possibly be work that has all these aspects while at the same time provides me with truly enjoyable work. As in, the work itself provides enough reward or "warm fuzzies" to keep me going.

Personality profile:
- I like to be going all the time. Static office style environments really wear me down and make my brain want to revolt.
- I like analyzing information and making decisions. Counter this with a strong dislike for dealing with stupid people, and see what's left.
- I like high paying jobs. Doesn't really matter what it is. I'm attracted to jobs that offer lots of compensation for whatever the work may be. Yes, I've contemplated being a doctor but am way to squeamish for such an endeavor.
- I hate a lack of reality. I really like being around people that are just honest, sincere, realistic folk. I don't like having to dress up who I am to impress people, and detest having to hide my true feelings or opinions because they "aren't respectful" or "go against the grain."
- I like a certain degree of predictability. So, I manage a restaurant. Moooore irony there for you.
- I like challenges. Learning new things fascinates me, but not like "let's take four more years of college" fascinate. How to stuff like around the house, information that changes the way I see or think about things, things that are different from what I thought, etc. etc. I have decided that web design and/or newsletter creation are not my favorite things. I do, however, love to write.
- I would love to be an "expert." I think this desire centers around being appreciated. So, really just being able to give an opinion that is counted and weighed would be really great.
- I love music. My music, other music.... though I don't ever spend my money on it. I think it's my subconscious way of dealing with the fact that, like Steve Martin, I would rather be on stage than in the audience.

Subject to Change

2007-08-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

I was throwing trash away this morning and noticed something on a cup from Taco Bueno. If you don't know Taco Bueno, let me encourage you to arrange a meeting. In Arkansas, the only location I know is on the South side of Little Rock on the way to Texarkana. Back to my story...

The side of the cup had small print that guranteed free refills for dine in customers only. Simply seeing this notice was an interesting thing because it's quite common to have that priviledge in a fast food restaurant. What I've never seen before was what followed after. Taco Bueno actually prints on the cup that this priviledge is subject to change at the discretion of Taco Bueno, meaning that at any time someone from the restaurant could deny me a refill and be within their full legal rights. Why on earth would they reserve that right? It made absolutely no sense to me, unless of course they find themselves stuck in a position of losing mounds of money from the sudden influx of refills procurred by their dine in customers. It did, however, get me thinking.

At Wyldewood Christian Camp, a phrase common to the ears of counselors and staff was "subject to change." Basically, the director made decisions all the time, but at any time could change his mind and request something else. Everything was subject to change, with everyone, and we all pretty much got used to it. At an outdoor camp lasting ten weeks through the summer you kind of have to be used to it because nothing happens the same way twice. Many counselors joked that a summer theme needed to be centered around that phrase, and the more I think about it, the more I agree.

We get comfortable don't we? Life becomes routine and it seems that everyone reaches a peak in their development and simply stops changing. Growing up, change is all we do. As adults people try and avoid change, and I have to ask myself a question. Am I subject to change, or would I rather just change the subject? Humans have this amazing ability to change who they are, what they stand for, what they believe. We can, simply by our own efforts, change the very core of who we are and what we want to be. Rarely do we intentionally seek this out though. Society has made it near impossible to reinvent your self with out radically stiring the pot. I know that I get used to work being a certain way, and when I go in and it's different I have issues. Specifically, when I go in and things are harder than I expected I tend to have a really rough day. If things change for the better, I'm usually not so concerned. This brings out and interesting point for me. Maybe I am subject to change so long as the change is beneficial. Ah yes... another pin point on the map of what is wrong with American culture. We think primarily about one person and it's not someone else. We love change when it makes life easier, when it makes us have a better day. Couldn't everything be beneficial though?

Why is being naive such a bad thing? And, if you are choosing to be naive, are you still naive or are you actually demonstrating true intelligence? See, challenges make us tougher, give us experience, and sharpen our minds. Deciding to approach change as a challenge, to embrace it as something that is bound to occur in everyone's life, only makes you stronger. Difficulty is actually an opportunity to learn something new, even though it may hurt and not work out like you originally wanted. What is so naive about making a decision to remain positive and face challenges when it improves the quality of your life? Sure, bad things will happen and challenges will arise. They simply cannot be avoided. Take advantage of being human and make a decision to allow change in, be it in you schedule or in your heart, and let's try being "naive" for a while.

A World Without

2007-08-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

So my wife went home today. We drove here together Friday and she's driving home alone today. I wasn't even supposed to be in Searcy when she left, but you can read my other post about that.

Life is something so incredibly special. Today my wife drove away from my car after hitting the freeway, and I just realized again how much better I feel and am as a person when she is around. It doesn't matter where I am, so long as she is with me. She's not perfect by any means, and there are many times that I just don't understand her emotions. When we first got married it was more difficult, because my pattern was to be angry when I didn't understand. That was true about pretty much everything in life. Over the past 8 months though, I have softened to a significant degree (though I will be the very first to admit I have much more room to grow) and simply want to know what's going on, what I can do to make her feel better, or just want her to be happy. Stubborn as I am, I have found a person that can change my heart and mind with the drop of a single tear of uneasiness or displeasure. And, to my utter surprise, she grew up in the same city I did. She actually grew up just a couple miles from my house. I had to go to Harding to meet her, and almost didn't do that. My life... gosh my life is so blessed and everything I thought I wanted would never have brought me to this place with this woman.

A world without her is a sadder world to me.

A Short Vacation

2007-08-06T07:47:00.001-07:00

Angela and I talked during breakfast this morning. Normally this is no special thing beyond our own little world of newlywed love, but today we talked about taking a short vacation.

My heart longs for the spiritual renewal this congregation in Texas offers, but I'm forced to acknowledge my own inability and lack of willingness when it came to really letting myself experience Valley View Church of Christ, or any other church for that matter. I'm reluctant to believe that another segment of the body might offer as much and failed to really open myself up to the experience. I recognized this after my first Sunday back. I let myself and my wife down, and didn't give God his fair share. So this, I feel, is one strike against me.

Secondly, I just miss my family. I have hated the idea of leaving them from the beginning, but also see the merit in being able to establish my own family. Either way we face a trial, because being here we don't have their immediate support and being there we have to establish firm boundaries about what is acceptable interference. None-the-less, my mother is having a major surgery this upcoming March and I have to be home for that. Not being there is simply not a part of how I was raised. I also miss John and Rosie. As I put it to Angie, there are people in both places that would be happy to see us land, but those in Jonesboro are infinetely more important than those here. Ultimately though, I cannot make this decision with Angie and I cannot let the happiness of others be a significant deciding factor.

What, then, are the final points? I know what I want to do and that is sell Real Estate. Start as an agent, work up to brokerage, get into investment and flipping, and do neighborhood restoration. These are long term goals that require long term planning and commitment. I simply don't want to do that here in Texas. I could, but I don't want to, and there's nothing else I want to do. As long as I'm in Texas I could sell cars or some other high end product for the sake of experience. I've almost got the gut for it these days.

My wife. She is the most important person in my world, and she would follow me anywhere. How she puts up with my constantly shifting directional pointer is a mystery to me, but she does. She misses home, misses her brother and sister, misses me while I'm away, misses John and Rosie, wants to settle into a home, and wants to have adventure as much as I do. She wants a dog and break from anything serious for a while, which takes me back to where I started. I laid out my lack of conviction on the table at I-HOP this morning, right next to the Tutty Fruity Breakfast and a glass of chocolate milk. Told her again how sorry I was for not giving VV a chance, for being so wishy-washy about life. I explained to her my difficulty in maintaining a positive attitude regarding this move and how I want to be here, but want to be there, and am torn by how it may affect the people in my life. Do you want to know what my amazing and wonderous wife said, in the midst of her sickness and phlemy throat? "Why don't we put our stuff in storage in Jonesboro and just live here for a couple of months? We can stay with the Woods and get work to have work and take a vacation from life for a little while? Why not, we don't have kids and this is the perfect time to do it?"

Now all I can do is think about how practical that is. How much sense it makes and how great it would be to just sit back and enjoy life for a couple of months. Go out and play golf with Luke, hang with kids from the church, soak up the spiritual nourishment from Central and the people, and spend some time just relaxing together. Like a long second honeymoon. Replenish ourselves before diving back in to life as we know it to start the whole career thing. Then maybe, we'll have an idea as to where we really want to be. Which, that's a trick statement because we know we really want to be in Jonesboro, with our family as we have kids and make plans and grow. So, I sat down to write. This is, in a lot of ways, how I pray, too. I'm a believer in knowing that the Lord hear's my thoughts and knows my heart, and when I write I feel His peace enter me as I make my way through the maze of my own thoughts. I love the idea of relaxing for a while though. Just enjoying life for a while and thoroughly soaking up the goodness this place has to offer. Who knows... it just might be exactly what He's wanting for us. Besides.... I've always wanted to work at a theater.

Boy My Arms Are Tired

2007-08-02T19:54:00.001-07:00

Well I'm sitting in my apartment with my wife and sister in law. I flew home last night to be with Angela because she's been sick this entire week. I love flying, so it wasn't all that bad at all. Thanks, Brian, for coming to pick me up at the airport.

Right now I feel God really stretching me. Going with the flow is not something I typically excel at, yet this past week has been nothing but adjusting my schedule to be more useful to those around me. From helping strangers to flying home to be with my wife. Tomorrow we are hoping to wake up and travel back to Amarillo, making the most of Angela's four day weekend. This is completely doable if Angela can get a good night's rest and not have a temperature in the morning.

Looking for work has proved frustrating and motivating all at the same time. The process has driven me toward my dream of real estate and into a conversation in which I learned that you can't do anything in Texas without a license. New plan? Get a job in sales (automobiles or some similar high end type environment) and work toward my real estate license at Amarillo College.

I want to write more but it's time for bed and we have a long day tomorrow, so I might write more later this weekend. No one is reading this blog yet, so I don't suppose it matters how often I write or what I talk about.

God bless.

Yellow

2007-07-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Amarillo is still here. Yay.

I'm sitting in Hastings, drinking an Oregon Chai Latte and doing the job search thing. The entire time I think about Angela. Every life has it's ups and downs, and I'm learning that the whole 9-5 gig is something that many people in this world have earn. This is by far the most challenging time I've had in my life with Angela so far, and that even counts our path from meeting to marriage which some of you know wasn't always picture perfect. There's that word again... perfect. Nothing is perfect, except Angela for me. Isn't it amazing how that works? I miss my best friend tremendously.

There is work all over this city! Gas prices are actually cheaper than Searcy, or at least are moving that direction. Great news since I'm driving my very own gas chugging Ford Explorer. Now, just because work exists doesn't mean I have found it yet. I am still amazed by the constant need to draw things out that seems to permeate our society. A man built shelves for my grandmother's kitchen, the smallest job he has ever done he says, and it still took him three weeks to finally make it over for the install. Applying for work can sometimes take a person weeks or months before anyone finally returns a call. I want whatever I do in life to be bound in a commitment to timely service. In "The Pursuit of Happiness" Will Smith portrays Chris Gardner, who successfully entered the world of stock broking via a competitive internship at Dean Witter that he earned while raising his child and being technically homeless and out of work. One of my favorite parts of the movie centers around his use of time at work. He didn't take drinks and didn't hang up the phone because he calculated that he gained 15 or more minutes of work time that way. This was vital because he didn't work as late as everyone else did, because he had to pick up his son from daycare and make it to a shelter by 5pm everyday. He also didn't whine about life. It was difficult and trying, but he never complained to others. Now, occasionally he flipped out and stood his ground when cheated but he didn't care.

What on earth do I have to be upset about? If I want a job, I just need to go get a job. Right? Right.

God bless. This place is healing for me. Ah yellow... what was once my least favorite color has become my home.

I love you Angela, and I miss you every moment of every day. Come to me soon, or I just might have to come to you.

Firsts

2007-07-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

The past year has been full of various firsts for me. The most obvious being marriage. I've never done this before. My moral compass being what it is, it was also a last as I hope to never lose my wife of now 7 months. I've never shared a home with a woman before either, and that is DEFINITELY something new. My mess is covered by her mess, her mess by my mess, and my house is no longer my own. I have very few possessions that can be considered mine, and my life has suddenly become devoted to the happiness of someone OTHER than myself. To be rather honest, I was not prepared for such a complete shift away from self. Ayn Rand could never have been married. And if she was or did (since my current knowledge doesn't include more than her writings and philosophies) then it would not or was not anything like what most people consider marriage. As much of a change and challenge as it has been, I would not trade the decision to marry Angela for anything in this world.

Another first is this blog. I have written before on Xanga (should anyone remember) and decided to renew my devotion to art of crafting a well written blog. So now I'm using blogger or blogspot or whatever this place is referred to. My guess is that most people won't even know this exists, but the entire purpose is to write about my trips and adventures in Amarillo for those I love. Since I'm not in Amarillo yet (this coming Monday is the day I depart) it doesn't do a lot of good to write on here just now. I just wanted to have a first post and start off on the right foot. So, to those who have found me already I hope you are doing well and ask your prayers and guidance as Angela and I move to find life in another city. Wherever we go, there we are, and that will never change.

muchas gracias.